you comfy?
what a good good friday. some 2000 years ago, Jesus died for all of mankind's countless transgressions. and now...

millions of people have lived their entire lives without even realizing what they're living for. and many of us who call ourselves christians don't care at all; or at least our actions fail to show anything.

today i had the opportunity to get to know someone on the drag. his name was israel, and he was from new york. he shared with me his doctrine on life and religion. as i listened to israel talk about his religious beliefs, i wasn't sure what to think or feel. at first, a sensation of shock came over me as i came to see how his beliefs were so adament, yet, so skewed. and then came a wave of sadness as i realized that there were SO many other people all over the world just like israel.

a few hours later at aacm large-group meeting, a slide show was shown that broke my heart -- over and over again. clips of the tsunami, broken families, broken people. my initial feeling of sadness quickly turned into anger. i was so disappointed with myself. how could i grow to be so calloused to the happenings of this world? how could i look at what happened on the other side of the world with the tsunami and NOT experience a change in my heart? and how could i have basically "forgotten," more or less, about the whole incident so quickly?

If people see this they'll say 'Oh my God, that is horrible,' and then go on eating their dinners.
- hotel rwanda

i had gone back to eating my dinner. i hated myself for living in my stupid little bubble. i hated the comfort. sure, God has blessed me with so many many MANY blessings, but as spiderman tells us, "with great power comes great responsibility." we're supposed to live lives WORTHY of the calling we have received, and i, for one, am so ashamed at how amazingly far i fall short of this.

God did not create us so that we should live comfortable lives. the reason of our existence is NOT to simply sit around and waste all day watching mtv. i look at my life now, and i marvel at God's...awesomeness. how awesome is my God that HE would use a wretch like ME to help fulfill his purpose? my God is an AWESOME God..

so what am i asking for, God? simply put, i want to care. give me the same passion for people as i have for You. give me a yearning to form lasting relationships with people outside my usual cliques. give me an understanding of what's going on in the world around me. allow me to take a leap of faith outside the comfort of the bubble i call my life.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?
- Matthew 16:24-26

I want to live for You, Father.