if i were to write a totally honest, straight-forward, look-me-in-face-while-i-kick-you-in-the-butt essay, this is what it would be like..

To whom it may concern:

I am a senior at Clements High School, and to tell you the truth, I am not looking forward to going to college. I am just a fun-loving guy who doesn't want to be separated from the people he's grown up with for eighteen years. I could care less if your school is Ivy League or in the 3rd Tier. If I had it my way, everyone would just graduate from high school and go to the college that they're "zoned" to. In that way, college would be a lot less intimidating. Instead, with this messed up world that we are living in today, families have to pour out thousands of dollars for at least four years just so their kid can receive a respectable job opportunity. How strange, right? Students spend four long, stressful years in high school, working their hinies off, when all they end up getting in reward is admittance to some college, which means four MORE long, stressful years.

I also want to comment on this junk mail and postal service monopoly all you colleges got going on. The moment after I took my SAT, everytime i checked my email, it would be stuffed with ridiculous invitations from colleges all over the country, seemingly begging for a chance. Then, when I go out to check the mail in my mailbox, I see plenty more college invitations. I'll tell you what -- here's a hint. This probably applies to 75% of high school students in the nation -- if you truly want students to brag about your college, simply send them a couple of bachelors of science degrees. Heck, throw in a master's here and there. I guarantee that will raise the popularity of your university.

One last thing: if you really want an honest, down-to-earth essay, stop thinking of all these ludicrous essay questions. You may think they are clever and abstract, but in truth, they're just stupid. No offense or anything, but please, stop asking us questions like "Why do you want to come to our university" because in actuality, if we had a choice, we wouldn't want to. We are mechanically filling out various applications for the sake of our future. If we had it our way, our school counselors would just send every college our high school transcripts. In that way, no one would have to think of suck-up answers to describe how awesome your college is not.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to entering your university doors next fall.