What do I want for Christmas?

it seems like a billion people have asked me this very question in the past week. more often than not, im finding myself replying to each query with the same clueless shrug of my shoulders and the simple "i don't know."

i guess I've had this problem for a while now. whether people ask me for my birthday wishlist or my christmas needs/wants, it seems like i never really have an answer for them.

is there something wrong with me? am i totally satisfied with what i have? have i reached a stage in my life where i am totally content?

maybe.

but perhaps it is more likely that i have outgrown all my childish dreams for toys and gadgets, and now i stand before you a person whose wishlist can not be obtained by the swipe of a piece of plastic or exchanged for the faces of a few dead presidents.

what do i want?

i want to get to a point in my spritual growth where i feel confortable giving free control of my life to God. i don't want to be afraid to put my life in His able hands. i want to know God's will for my life. i don't want it to hurt when it feels like im losing control. i want more genuine friendships. i don't want my past to bleed into my present. i want people to be upfront and honest with me. i don't want to go through each day dreaming of yesterday.

i know none of you can help me with all of these requests, but maybe all im asking for is prayer. God can and will provide -- i know that for a fact.

'cause i still believe in Your faithfulness..