one step at a time
i've decided that this is the year. it is time to take yet another step in my walk with God.

let me ask you a question. what do you pray for? sure, you bow your head and ask God to "bless the food" before every meal, and you pray before church-y activities and fellowship and the like, but what about your true "alone time" with God? what do you really pray for?

i've been reading "too busy not to pray," by bill hybels, and i really feel convicted to change my prayer life, as well as my entire perspective on prayer in general.

"How easy it is to use sanctified jargon while praying! Certain phrases sound so appropriate, so sprititual, so pious, that many people learn to string them together and call that prayer. They may not even think of the implications of what they are saying."

i'll be the first to say that i am guilty of this. it really is so easy to string together all of the catch phrases and words that i've picked up in church for the past 19 years, and sometimes i don't even know that i'm doing it. but now i realize that most of the time, i'm not really entirely sure what i'm saying. i want to get to a point in my walk where i can just..talk to God..casually. isn't that what prayer is supposed to be?

alright so from now on, no more of those "canned" prayers for me. you know, the ones you bust out every once in a while when it's your turn to pray? similar to the "God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food" prayers that we've memorized since birth.

"The apostle Paul wrote, 'In everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God' (Philippians 4:6). Lay out all your concerns, whether big or small. If you need a miracle, ask for it without shrinking back."

to answer my own earlier question, i have found that what i most often pray for is stuff i already believe is going to happen. stuff that's almost..guaranteed. you know, praying for bob's fever to go away, for sally to do well on her final, for billy's ankle to heal, for joe to have a safe trip home, etc etc. you catch my drift?

but "asking for miracles"? dang, that's hardcore. i guess the main problem is that i want to rest assured knowing that each of my prayers are heard and answered. see, i think sometimes us Christians fall into a huge trap with prayer. we pray for certain things, and then as a sort of lifeline, we add in the magical words, "if it's in Your will," you know, just in case it doesn't happen.

what does that actually mean? in my understanding, it's basically saying, "hey God? yeah, i'd like to ask for this to happen, but if it doesn't, then it's okay. i suppose it just wasn't meant to be. i just wanted to..check."

God knows what we want and need before we even venture to ask him. i gotta keep this fact lodged in my head.

Father, thank you for loving me unconditionally. I want to be able to talk to you in the way I would talk to one of my closest friends. Please give me the wisdom and the discipline i need to be able to keep my priorities straight and to walk closer with You this year. I ask that I would be able to balance my schedule between attending to schoolwork, leading a small group, and everything in the middle. Please help me to set a good example for my small group guys, and allow me to be a positive influence in their lives this year. In Jesus's name I pray, amen.