The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.
- Madeleine L'Engle

remember way back in the day when you would be asked "so what do you want to be when you grow up?" i remember i used to answer with stuff like "the president!" or "an NBA player!" or "a pirate!" either way, i thought to myself, by the time i got to be an adult, i would know the answers to all these questions. i would know:
1) what i was doing,
2) where i was going, and
3) who i really am.

so when exactly does someone morph from being a "kid" into an "adult?" well actually i guess the whole process is a little more complicated than that. this is how i see it:

ages:
0-2 :: baby
3-5 :: toddler
6-12 :: kid
13-19 :: teenager
20-? :: i don't know
?-infinity :: adult

so what is that time period between being a teenager or an adult? or is it just an automatic switch? or does it happen when you turn 21 and become "legal?" well either way, 21 still seems so freaking old to me.

so what now? whether i'm now classified as an adult or not, 21 is the age that i used to think i would just suddenly know it all. but as far as those three questions are concerned, i'm afraid i might be a little behind schedule.

you know, at this point in my life, i can firmly declare that i'm not sure if i ever really know what i'm doing. but then again, if i really did, then life would be oh so boring. so i guess i don't needa worry about that question anymore.

where am i going? haha who knows. i've finally decided on a major, but things could change any moment. i guess i'm in the same situation i've always been in. waiting for God to just flick me in the back of the head in any given direction. not that i don't think i'm going in the right direction right now. i think i am. i'm just not entirely sure what that direction is. so i guess i can throw out this question as well because i am confused just trying to figure out if i've figured it out.

ah, finally, the question where i have somewhat of an answer. i think, after 21 years of existence, i know who i am.

ever since i knew the meaning of the word, i have tried to grasp what being "cool" really meant. unfortunately, the definition constantly changed. in my mind being cool used to be being the fastest kid on the soccer field. then being cool transformed into being kinda calm and collected, with your hands in your pockets to pull off the complete look. i was just getting used to that when being cool changed to having a whole lot of friends to wave to in the hall. and the process just kept repeating. over and over again, like timmy and nelly sang so beautifully.

after so many years of trying so hard, at last it hit me that i would never figure out what being "cool" meant. i was just trying to run after this imaginary goal, and in the end, i realized the entire time that it was nothing but a mirage. being cool was and always will be such a fleeting concept. i just can't believe it took me so very long to figure out that i'm really not that cool at all. on the grand spectrum of coolness, i would actually rank myself on the other end of the scale. i'm more of a dork than anything else. i have dork friends, i do dork stuff, i say dork things, for the most part. but when it all comes down to it, i'm sure the dork life is way cool compared to the cool life, whatever that means.

so there you have it. i have answered the three questions that all people should answer. hooooooray!

i've been in the mood for reminiscing, so since being home, i have enjoyed reading over old blog posts. here's blast from the past..

it's so hard for me to recognize my personal weaknesses and shortcomings. i guess the thing i struggle with most is patience. i realize that no matter how other people may view me, God is the only one who really knows the ways of my heart and the thoughts of my mind. i trust that through time, He will change me into the person He really wants me to be. no matter how long it may take, i can rest assured knowing that it will definitely be worth the wait.

2+ years later, this same thing still holds true. so i guess i haven't really answered any of my questions at all. or at least i hope God's still changing me. cuz He's just faithful like that. run that back.

did this post make any sense at all? or am i just rambling away out here. ah well. much love from the SL.