don't hold me back

you know what i love? i love hearing about how God is working in other people's lives. whether in person, on the phone, through AIM, or through blog-surfing, it never ceases to amaze me that God is powerful enough to be such an awesome presence in everyone's lives.

tomorrow marks the first day of urbana 2003. am i excited? of course. am i ready? almost. am i hesitant? not at all. i've heard so many stories from people about how God works in people's lives at urbana that i now have no idea what to expect. good, bad? who knows. all i know is that my God is someone who knows what He is doing. i have full faith that He will reveal His will for my life in His own perfect timing, and whether that time is in these next few days at urbana, that's not for me to decide.

now is the time where i need you. yes, you. whoever is reading this thing of mine. whether this is the first time you've visited my blog or the 392038435th time, i have a simple favor to ask of you. ive already asked several people to pray for me and everyone else at urbana while we're away, but there's no such thing as too much prayer, right? right. please just pray for the conference, that God will speak to everyone there. pray that everyone will be spritually and emotionally prepared for the conference, that any distractions in their life will be put aside.

thanks so much. oh and btw, if you don't know already, i have an infinite profile page thingiemajigger just for prayer requests. there's a link to your left, or if you're on AIM, it's also in my profile. i try to update daily, or at least 3 times a week, so please if you don't already, check that once in a while and witness the power of prayer (and let me know if you have any prayer requests).

Christmas Day

can you believe it? today is Jesus's birthday. wow. it sure snuck up on me. seems like just yesterday i was prepping myself for my first day of college. and now, whoosh. an entire semester has passed.

*sigh. Christmas. for the longest time, even being a Christian and knowing all of the Bible stories, i guess i never realized the significance of Christmas. i mean, just the simple fact that God sent his ONLY SON down to earth to DIE FOR US is pretty mind-boggling, is it not?

i pray that sometime during this holiday season, you'll come to realize that behind all the giftwrap, behind all the commotion, behind all the hysteria surrounding Christmas, Jesus is the true reason for the season.

Merry Christmas.

merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! i mean, day!

CHRISTMAS LOVE

Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then.

Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise. So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.

Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.

As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small,quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".

The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".

Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood - the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place,why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

CHRISTWAS LOVE

---

don't forget the reason for the season.

My God is an AWESOME God

you know what's amazing? the incredible feeling of liberation that you get when you learn to give everything up to God. it's mind-boggling, really. all of life's problems, worries, complaints, and complications are no longer a terrible burden upon your shoulders. i no longer have to worry about..wait. scratch that. i no longer have to worry. period. awesome, is it not?

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
- 1 Peter 5:7

you should try it sometime.

Lord (I Don't Know)
- Newsboys

You are the Author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until Your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I dont know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopelss with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Oh, Lord, You are the Author
redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come.

What do I want for Christmas?

it seems like a billion people have asked me this very question in the past week. more often than not, im finding myself replying to each query with the same clueless shrug of my shoulders and the simple "i don't know."

i guess I've had this problem for a while now. whether people ask me for my birthday wishlist or my christmas needs/wants, it seems like i never really have an answer for them.

is there something wrong with me? am i totally satisfied with what i have? have i reached a stage in my life where i am totally content?

maybe.

but perhaps it is more likely that i have outgrown all my childish dreams for toys and gadgets, and now i stand before you a person whose wishlist can not be obtained by the swipe of a piece of plastic or exchanged for the faces of a few dead presidents.

what do i want?

i want to get to a point in my spritual growth where i feel confortable giving free control of my life to God. i don't want to be afraid to put my life in His able hands. i want to know God's will for my life. i don't want it to hurt when it feels like im losing control. i want more genuine friendships. i don't want my past to bleed into my present. i want people to be upfront and honest with me. i don't want to go through each day dreaming of yesterday.

i know none of you can help me with all of these requests, but maybe all im asking for is prayer. God can and will provide -- i know that for a fact.

'cause i still believe in Your faithfulness..

unexpected.