not a boy, not yet a man
pardon the semi-britneyspears allusion, but i have recently come to this simple, mind-boggling revelation: I AM OLD.

I've these dreams I'm walking home
Home when it used to be
And everything is as it was
Frozen in front of me

Here I stand 6 feet small
romanticizing years ago
it's a bitter sweet feeling hearing
"Wrapped Around Your Finger" on the radio

And these days I wish I was 6 again
Oh make me a red cape
I wanna be Superman

- John Mayer, 83

in less than a week, i will be 20. let me say that again -- I'M TURNING 20. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT?! talk about a quarter life crisis (<-- that's john mayer's too).

2 decades old. wow. it's funny, i still remember how excited i was when i turned 10. i had a birthday party, and i recall telling my mom with a huge smile on my face, "I'M IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS NOW!"

and now, 10 quick years later, i am on the brink of leaving the TEENS -- and somehow, i feel nowhere near ready.

i feel like i'm in that midway zone between childhood and manhood. it's like i'm standing in no man's land. of course i don't call myself a "boy" anymore, but i can't really call myself a "man" while keeping a straight face either.

what makes a man? how do i know when i've crossed this threshold? back when i was younger, i used to watch older people play basketball, and i would think to myself that i would consider myself a MAN when i would exude unbelievable puddles of sweat when i played basketball. and thankfully, i have not become a man according to this definition.

another thought of mine growing up was that i would become a MAN when i stopped acting like a child. but i have grown to dismiss this definition as well. while i know that there is a time for play and a time for work, i sincerely hope that i will always be young at heart.

so what does it truly mean to be a man? do i even want to reach that point yet?

i guess i really don't have an answer. but for now, i will listen to my dear friend albert einstein:

People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live...[We] never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born.

preach it, alby.

phil your day
my daymaker: while i was hittin' the books in the study lounge, phil brought a rice bowl to my room, just in case i became hungry later on in the night.

and lo and behold, i am now hungry.

thanks phil!


i appreciate it.

so i have ONE MORE test to take tomorrow. that will conclude my string of 4 tests in 4 days. YIPEE!!

alright, back to my dungeon aka study lounge.

a true chump
so i took my accounting test today, and i am currently studying for my mythology test tomorrow. after that, i have another test on friday in linguistics.

you know what i'm craving? some quality DIM SUM.


sigh..

i <3 janie
so last week at j2, janie promised me that if we turn 35 and are both still single, she will marry me. i'm counting down the days :)

mok says: only a little over 15 years until we get married!
mok says: :-D
mok says: start the countdown
janieblank: now might be a bad time to remind you that i have another back up plan for when i am 28...but if this marriage is going to work, we need to set a precedent of being honest, right?
mok says: :-(
mok says: c'mon..
mok says: move our marriage date up to 27
janieblank: no way
janieblank: that's only 7 years from now
mok says: 28 is only 8!!
mok says: what the heck
mok says: how am i supposed to work against that
janieblank: i don't know? it might not work out
mok says: :-janieblank: it's more like
janieblank: when i'm 28
janieblank: my friends are going to send me on a missions trip
janieblank: to meet a godly man
janieblank: that's all
mok says: alright
mok says: i'll be there
janieblank: GOOD LUCK
mok says: :-*
janieblank: EW
janieblank: SICK
janieblank: that's it
janieblank: we are getting a pre-nup

janieblank: so i was thinking about kids...and i really don't want to give birth
janieblank: think we can adopt instead?
janieblank: i was thinking that your friends are kind of cute
janieblank: i bet they would make cool kids
mok says: ...
mok says: that's kind of gross
mok says: but, sure, HONEY.
mok says: hahaha
janieblank: you're having a lot of fun with this, aren't you?

janieblank: maybe i should call you something hormone appropriate
janieblank: like
janieblank: BEAST MASTER
janieblank: or
janieblank: HERCULES
janieblank: or something
janieblank: or
janieblank: TMAC
mok says: hahahhahaha
janieblank: or somethign like that

alright friends, check your mailboxes soon for marriage invitations.

oh btw, i got a tattoo!



man, talk about hardcore.