control freaks
we're all control freaks. we dillydally here and there, trying to keep our lives as busy as possible while maintaining this magical composure that hopefully says, "hey look at me, i've got it all together." no matter what we're feeling inside, whether it's incredible sadness or insurmountable grief, we keep this plastic smile on our mr and mrs potato head faces. we like to make life look easy and simple, and above all, under control.

i think that's why stuff like natural disasters cause so much distress. i mean, of course, aside from the fact of their sheer power, it's the fact that we are rendered so indescribably helpless. especially in this case, when it's not an all-of-a-sudden-pop-up-out-of-nowhere thing, but a gradually approaching monster of a storm that we have no way of preventing. it's at times like these when we realize that we truly aren't in control -- at all.

There is no use worrying about things over which you have no control, and if you have control, you can do something about them instead of worrying.
- Stanley C. Allyn

God is bigger than ALL of this. how unbelievably mind-boggling is that?

smite him!
this morning, i woke up to the sweet sound of xiao's voice asking me if i had class. i tried to mumble "yeah, at 11," thinking to myself that i was gonna punch him in the face since he woke me up before my alarm clock went off. he then told me that it was 10:46, and my alarm clock went off a few minutes ago. bewildered by the thought that i could have turned off my alarm already, i slowly started my "waking up process." basically i started rolling around and making strange groaning noises. you know, the type of thing you do when your parents come in to wake you up for something and they're still standing in the doorway looking for some sign of movement. so i just start shifting around to make it look like i'm getting up until they're satisfied and go back downstairs.

xiao was standing in the doorway waiting for me to get up, and for some reason, probably because of IM football yesterday, i am dead tired -- not the best start to a very long monday. so as added incentive for an immediate sprint to the restroom, xiao threatens that he's about to go #2 in there if i don't hurry up. seeing that i don't want to go to class with a full bladder or wait 30 minutes for him to do his business, i nosedive off of my top bunk and crawl into the vanity area asap.

so i'm still sluggishly going through the morning routine of brushing my teeth, when i walk over to my computer to check my email. that's when i spot alex fan sitting on the futon, and he leans over and tells me the most perfect 4-word combination i have ever heard since meson told our small group "no bible study tonight" (j/k):

"WENDY'S TAKES DINE-IN DOLLARS!!"

i have been eagerly awaiting wendy's opening day for a long time. actually i was seriously considering camping outside the door last night so i could be the very first customer. but wendy's accepting dine-in dollars?! that's heavenly. so i was skeptical at first, but then lex reassured me that he had asked the manager.

i went as crazy as i could while still brushing my teeth. imagine celebratory dancing and random exclamations of joy while spraying toothpaste in every which direction. this was shaping out to be one of the best days of my life.

so i skipped to class, and throughout the lecture over tax accounting, all i could think about is how many junior bacon cheeseburgers, medium fries, side caesar salads, and 5-piece nuggets with the remainder of my dine-in dollars. i kept imagining how good a world it would be without having to be restricted to the likes of JCL and j2 (no offense to all the j2 fanatics, but cmon, it's wendy's i'm talking about). the hour and a half of class flew by, and i walked back to jester trying to think of how i wanted to express my appreciation to the wendy's cashier while ordering my food without sounding like i was hitting on him/her.

i walk into wendy's, and just so i could hear the wonderful news for myself, i casually asked the cashier, "you guys take dine-in dollars, right?"

"NO SORRY, WE DON'T." the worst 4-word combination in the history of mankind. my heart dropped almost as far as my lower jaw, and i tried to hold back tears while i managed to say a quick "thanks." i trudged back to my room and lex was the first person i saw as i walked through the door. this messenger of hope just over an hour ago had quickly become the bringer of despair.

why..why do you hurt me so.


i don't think i can trust this guy ever again.