smooth criminal
a few months ago, at the start of the spring semester, koller and i came up with a few laws. hm, maybe not really "laws," but hearing that word makes me feel so powerful. anyways, we came up with a system for our small group that we hoped would challenge everyone to do their quiet times and to come to small group on time.

so each person was given a small notecard, and for each missed quiet time or tardy, their hangman would inch closer and closer to his doom. basically it's a 6-strike program (head, torso, arms, and legs). so here are the cumulative tallies:


(freakin' ivan and andrew are freakin' goody-goodies. just kidding. but not really. but that's okay. i'm not angry. not at all.)

so what's the punishment? a true lesson on sacrifice. you can either shave your head, your legs, or your eyebrows. unfortunately all the delinquents, myself and koller included, decided on the legs. sigh, no eyebrow-less guys walking around =(

so here's the group picture. say goodbye to all that warmth on your legs, boys.


my before picture:

my "during" picture:

my "after" picture:

my legs felt so smooth! little did the guys know that i had wanted to do this all along, but now i finally had an excuse to actually do it. sneaky me.

but then i found out my legs were pretty dry =(

but thanks to johanna for providing me with this:


girls, don't be jealous. guys, don't check me out.

just another screwup
we live in a perfect world populated by complete screwups. and as much as i'd like to tell myself that i'm one of the exceptions, i know that my life has not been a testament to that.

i feel like life is just a constant struggle to pick up the broken pieces of each other's lives. every mistake shatters a part of us that is left in pieces until God helps us to rebuild it back together again.

so what are we living for?

We constantly try to gain all the glory, awe, and recognition we can possibly receive through Man's eyes. But there's a catch. We leave the world the same way we came into it. Absolutely naked - stripped of all the wealth, possessions, pride, and recognition that we've tried so hard to obtain. It doesn't matter anymore how many A's you got, or what college you went to, or the money you get, or the number of relationships you've had, or how nice of a car you have, cause when you die, it all goes to someone else. SO WHAT GOOD IS IT FOR MAN TO GAIN THE WORLD, YET FORFEIT HIS OWN SOUL?

i got that from my sister's blog..i hope it's not copyrighted. i read this and i thought to myself, since when did she learn how to write like this? life sure passes by fast.

and that's the thing. life IS short. so what should we be occupying our time with here on earth? are we here just to enjoy ourselves, indulging our time in our own selfish desires? or are we meant for something more?

i guess this is as good a time as any for the perfect sunday school answer: "JESUS!" and while that doesn't seem to answer the question, looking at His life here on earth will provide you with everything you need to know. Jesus lived a life of love, and LOVE, my friends, is what i believe to be the purpose of life.

A new command I give you: Love on another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
- John 13:34-35

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.
- 1 Peter 1:22

i hate mediocrity. i long for more genuine friendships, where i learn to think of other's needs before my own. where i learn what it means to truly love another person.

i've caused more than my share of broken friendships. i'm not perfect. in fact, i'm nowhere close to perfect. i'm a bona fide screwup. i find myself constantly thinking about the "what-ifs" of my life. i can't even count all the times i've wished to go back in time. you know, IF ONLY i could have said this. IF ONLY i could have not done that. IF ONLY i could fix it all..

unfortunately, life doesn't come with an undo button. but fortunately, God has a purpose in each of my thousands of blunders. with each mistake i realize how imperfect i am. i realize how i really don't have it all together. i realize how i don't have all the answers. i realize that i don't know what love is. i realize that i live such a selfish life. and i realize that the only thing that's ever been constant in my life is God.

how i wish i could just gather up all the people i've ever hurt in my life and just beg for forgiveness. how i wish that after a certain amount of shed tears, everything would be okay again. how i wish i could just tell everyone that i never meant to do any harm, and how i always had the best intentions. how i wish i could just apologize enough to make up for all the pain i've caused.

but i can't. all i can ever promise is "from now on." and yes, i know i will screw up time and time again in the future, but that's just how life is. i'm only one of the billions of screwups that live on this earth, praying for someone to come along to help pick up all the broken pieces of our lives together.

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A Beautiful Heart
Once long ago and far away was a very special valley. The outside world did not know about this special valley or the very special people that lived within it. You see, what made these people special was the fact that they wore their hearts on the outside of their chest for everyone to see. There were big ones and small ones, pretty ones and some not so pretty.

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared - how can he say his heart is more beautiful they thought?

The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

- Author Unknown

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So now do you see what true beauty is?